Do you find that as each year passes, life starts to pass you by even quicker than it did previously?
These days, the days and months just fly by. It felt like just the other day I was talking to E about our planning meeting and just like that, it’s over. How is it almost September?
Meanwhile, my girls are growing up fast. Naomi is becoming such a polite little girl and Charlotte such a ray of sunshine. They’re starting to talk and play with each other and there’s no need to prompt them to hug and kiss – they’re so affectionate, they just do it themselves. I sit back sometimes and just take it all in, and watch them interact…
… and a great big smile appears on my face.
And I realise how much I absolutely just love being a mother.
Yes, it might be hectic sometimes but most recently I have discovered that despite how you feel sometimes, they are just such a blessing and I couldn’t be happier about having them in my life. I look at Hubba and I just think, wow. What was life like before? I cannot even recall.
Slow down. Take a deep breath.
Savour the time.
It's really hard not to think about Vancouver and miss it a lot.
Is it possible to be soul mates with a place? When I close my eyes and think of the mountains and the clouds, the people and their kindness, the trees and the soul of the forest, it just brings me to a really happy place. I suppose that's a good thing. To have a happy place you can go to in your memories.
This photograph makes me laugh. We'd gone for a little walk that evening and stopped at the bottle shop to get some vino for the dinner that we were going to make in the apartment. Yup, we thought making dinner would be a romantic thing to do seeing as we hardly ever do it back in Singapore anymore! I love that the bottle looks like it's bowing its head in the same direction as Andrew. Deep in contemplation. You know, 'coz life's so hard.
Sigh. Is it possible to be soul mates with a place?
Loving every minute ‘coz you make me feel so alive, alive
Loving every minute ‘coz you make me feel so alive, alive
I find that hilarious – that our pastime of choice was sitting on benches. My theory is that sitting on benches is only for older people or those with children – it’s like a passage of time thing… The seasons of your life. I don’t ever recall us sitting or contemplating as much when we were in Scotland together. We were always off doing or seeing something.
I like it though. And I like that we do it together.
When you come back from a significant trip, it’s easy to talk about where you went, who you were with, what you ate, anything you might have bought.
But the truth is, I came away with a whole lot more than just memories of good food and couple selfies. The real souvenir was a mindset.
Vancouver is an amazing place. I have never seen a more socially aware or responsible society – Recycling is a big thing that everyone does and is conscious of and everyone is incredibly genuine and considerate. I have never seen people more concerned about clearing up after themselves and taking the time to give way or say thank you’s. I have never seen a place more engaged with the great outdoors. And we were only too lucky to discover it through the eyes of two great friends, Grace & Joe, who are living like the locals, biking to their hearts content and just taking in life.
Aside from spending a whole week in Whistler hammering down the bike park, we also had the good fortune of spending some time riding the North Shore with them – and met some of their friends & colleagues at Endless Biking.
Endless is a bike rental and tour company – They provide the gear and the guidance to ensure you get the most of your riding at all the different trail networks around North Vancouver. As soon as we arrived, we spent some time with Darren and Eli who gave us a clinic on cornering, and Ryan who took us through a drops session. Joe then spent most of our rides secretly progressing me by taking me to trails that he thought would challenge me to become a better rider.
And boy, did he challenge me!
Every time we headed out, I’d have this feeling of dread inside me. Oh dear, I’m not familiar with where we’re going. What if I can’t do it? What if I hold everyone back?
Joe was really good and super patient. He’d take time out to explain trail sections, re-affirm techniques I had learnt and reassure me sections were do-able. Grace would sometimes ride ahead of me to show me how very elementary it could indeed be. So I always felt completely safe and confident in my abilities – this meant I always did something new skill-wise whenever we went out and pushed myself to a new level each time. I really loved that! It just felt so gratifying to always improve. And both Grace & Joe would be super supportive as well, letting out great big woops and verbal pats on the back whenever I accomplished something. It made me feel so happy and fuzzy inside.
On one particular early morning, their lady boss friend Kelli Sherbinin came and rode Mt Fromme with us. I was all nervous since Kelli’s got really hardcore bike cred but just like Joe, she was incredibly supportive and patient in trying to get me to progress. Both Joe, Kelli & Grace – and Andrew too – literally waited ages for me to pluck up the courage to attempt what’s probably a very small rock feature to most at the start of Bobsled. And when I did… Well, I just felt I had to go do it again… and again… and again… and again… So I could get over the fear and know what I was capable of.
(you can hear Kelli whooping at me in the distance!)
Have you ever been so mentally caught up in your head that when you finally get through something, you burst into tears? That’s literally how I felt whenever I cleared something like that, whether it was a skinny bit of woodwork or a technical section. I’d quickly turn away from my friends so they didn’t see how choked up I was – They’d be cheering at me for doing it and I’d be a mix of happy and seriously overwhelmed… and scared! But I loved progressing. It was doing a lot more for me mentally than I could imagine.
One of the phrases they kept using was “Just peek and place, Janice. Trust yourself and commit. You’ve got this.”
It took a lot to do it, but whenever I did I realised how much I could accomplish if I truly set my mind to the task.
A week later, I found myself at a business workshop in Dubai doubting some of my abilities. And guess what the little voice in my head was saying?
“Come on, you’ve got this. Just peek and place, trust the rest.”
You take a whole lot away from the trail each time you ride. I think that’s why I love biking so much.
For a bit of Mummy inspiration, read: Mother Puckers on PinkBike.com
It seems like a lifetime ago that Hubba and I were in Vancouver on our first adventure together in 4 years.
In reality, we’ve only been back for about 2 weeks and I suppose this blog post is long overdue.
A month ago, we took the brave step of going on a two week holiday sans kids. The kids were with their beloved Grandparents and having a holiday of their own and almost every few days we’d get on FaceTime wherever we could to catch up. Prior to our departure, my head was in a complete mess. It had probably been a long time since I took a mental break and checked out of everything – and even right up till us getting on the flight, I was worrying about absolutely everything there was to worry about - Was everything at work sorted? Had I forgotten to pack anything for the kids? Was everyone in school informed that the grandparents were in charge? Had I assigned all home help chores clearly and fairly? Had I prepped both kids well enough so they’d mentally understand why we were not going to be around? Needless to say, I had a lot on my mind. So much so that I dare say I completely neglected Andrew – and of course, myself – over the two months prior to leaving.
And whilst Andrew was really looking forward to the trip – We were going to Whistler, after all. Mountain Biking bucket list and all that! And we were about to go see two really great friends too! – Until we landed in Tokyo for transit, I just wasn’t in the right head space and I just wasn’t that excited.
Look, I’m not going to complain and say I have a bad life and that it made me so stressed I couldn’t think straight.
The reality is I’ve got a good enough gig – The support we have from grandparents is just phenomenal and when we announced we wanted to take a couple’s holiday away, everyone was more than supportive. I wanted to cry when my Dad messaged me the day I left saying he felt I really deserved my holiday and to have a great time. In fact, I think I did cry. Sheez, I was probably crying at almost everything. What can I say… I think I just felt I needed to check out.
And check out, I did. I became a complete numbskull the moment the plane left Singapore. Hubba actually laughed at how dimwitted I was being about everything. It was almost like my mind decided I didn’t want to make a single decision, or think of anything at all.
Anyway, once we got to Canada we hopped right onto bicycles. The first morning of our trip we rode a few bits of trail, attended a bike festival, took a couple of bike clinics together and then attended the world premier of a biking movie. There was no such thing as ‘getting over jetlag’ – we just maxed ourselves out right away. And the next day, we were off to Whistler for a week’s worth of downhilling.
I rode 8 out of 14 days of the trip. And you know what?
It was fantastic.
I loved every minute of it. After the kids came, I spent all this time being afraid of the trail but I fell in love with mountain biking all over again. And most importantly, I fell in love with Andrew all over again. Everyone’s told me about how important it is to take the time to be the best you can before you can be the best mum that you can be. This trip really taught me what that meant – And I’m feeling really alive and in love with life again.
This couldn’t be just the one post as I learnt so much from this trip…. More posts to come. Watch this space :)
I have the urge to write and I’m not sure why.
I wonder if it has to do with the fact that so much as happened in the first quarter and because of this I feel the need to document it. Not that anyone would care really, but it really has been pretty extraordinary.
Charly turned one. I remember Naomi’s first birthday like it was yesterday so this was such a big milestone for us. The little one has turned into a funny little character and we just adore her. There is never a dull day with this one! She is cruising around like crazy and the level of comprehension she has is astounding – we can have full blown conversations with her, except she’s just answering with a whole range of different ahhhh!’s She also adores her big sister and wants to do everything Nae is doing. She has a thing about Che Che wearing shoes and her going barefoot!
Nae is three. For months we told her she would have to give up her pacifiers on the eve of her third birthday – And guess what? She did with no fuss. We made a song and dance out of the process, as any parent would do, and since then she’s not talked about her pacifiers at all. She also declared she wanted to put on her big girl pants, and she’s also come to the nail salon with me and sat there chatting with me whilst I had my gellish done for an upcoming work trip. She’s become such a little buddy of mine.
And then there’s me. I think I could sincerely put my hand on my heart and say that if the year came to an end right now, I’d be happy with where I am with the resolutions I made at the turn of the year. Yes, they weren’t life changing but I wanted more time to be the old me… I’m not doing too shabbily.
I am back on my bike and have found my legs. I am also doing Muay Thai again – something Nae says she wants to do when she’s a big girl so she can be just like me! I’ve been eating properly so I am gaining a bit of weight which is good. Hubba and I have made more of an effort to focus on our family and on us when I am not at work… All’s good. I just need to find time for family and friends, but all in good time I am telling myself. I have been fixing myself first and my head is in a better place than it was. Could also be because I am finally sleeping a bit more as well!
Perhaps if there is something I feel I need to do for the moment….
I want to read. I want to write. This is what I want.
Come on, Janice. Give me another milestone!